Tag Archives: portrait

Art from Rutland Regional Medical Center PICU

waiting for meds at PICU
waiting for meds at PICU
Sad self portrait done in mirror after restraint chair incident
Sad self portrait done in mirror after restraint chair incident

 

 

(Sorry but my last post about their use of the restraint chair was very unexpectedly deleted…i still have the draft and can find the emailed comments, but i dunno that i have the heart to repost it unless someone requests it…)

Fractured Portrait of Lene
Fractured Portrait of Lene

 

Portrait: Three Greenlanders- Art from Vermont Psychiatric Care Hospital

Three Greenlanders:A Portrait
Three Greenlanders:A Portrait

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

i started this portrait, derived from photographs seen in a National Geographic magazine lying around on Unit D, with the detested Crayola pencils that had to be a requisite 4 inches long or shorter…but eventually i was permitted to use ( and try to repair the portraits) with my Caran D’ache pencils, though it is very hard to try to layer anything over crayolas, especially on paper that is too thin to accept multiple layers…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Marionette and the Golden Pot: Does Art Mean Anything?

Maybe this is meaningful, since I was thinking about con-artists, and maybe not…but I did not know what I was drawing or why until hours later…

Does Art Mean Something and if so, What?
Does Art Mean Something and if so, What? (unfinished drawing)

New Art from Pamela Spiro Wagner

These are two very different paintings, clearly…The top one is the one most people like. For obvious reasons, as it causes less pain…I did it for them. The bottom one is about me…but no one likes it though I don’t care. Both are for sale if anyone is interested. Please get in touch with me by email or comment box to discuss price and shipping…

A Murmuration of Starlings with '32 Chevy (free hand copy in oil paint of oil pastel drawing I did at Retreat and gave away)
“A Murmuration of Starlings with ’32 Chevy” (free hand copy in oil paint of oil pastel drawing I did at Brattleboro Retreat and gave away)  c. 16″ by 12″ oils on prepared paper)
Spewing evil into the world. (Reworked)
Spewing evil into the world. (Oil on canvas  30″ by 24″)

New Art from Brattleboro

Art is all in reverse order of when it was done. If anyone is interested in buying, let me know. (Only some are for sale. Others are taken or donated already.)

Nevertheless, this expresses how I feel these days...
Nevertheless, this expresses how I feel these days even though it is  not a self portrait…
Paper and Cloth Mache table I made for my living room...
Paper and Cloth Mache table I made for my living room…
Sketch for painting that follows  - Jason is one of the best neighbors i have had!
Sketch for painting that follows – Jason is one of the best neighbors i have had!
Jason Mott, "The Mottster Rocks Out"
“The Mottster Rocks Out” — My downstairs neighbor entertaining me, unwittingly, but to my delight, every night, as he practices his drumming!

 

Translucent Papier Mache Bowls
Translucent Papier Mache Bowl

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Actually, all the above was done in my apartment in Brattleboro, after I moved there. What follows was done before I moved here. Either in the interim, in Sheffield, or while I was looking for a place and living with a friend in CT.

Central American Welcoming Madonna, in gouache and acrylics c. 12" by 8"
Central American Welcoming Madonna, in gouache and acrylics c. 12″ by 8″
Face Seen on Wastbasket and captured in a mask made of brown paper...
Face Seen on Wastebasket and captured in a mask made of brown paper…
Second Eyes Mask
Second Eyes Mask, made at the Retreat, pre-formed mask enhanced with paper mache and collaged with eyes and other papers…
Mask of Eyes Made at the Retreat
1st Mask of Eyes Made at the Retreat
Jute Bowl
Macrame Jute Bowl, made of brown paper and edged with copper tape

Jason DeRulo: New portrait

Jason DeRulo, painted with fantastic CARAN D’ACHE Lumiere pencils, among the most expensive yet worth every penny. smooth and incredibly buttery color that just swipes on…Yet  hard enough to keep a point and not crumble under pressure.

Just make sure you sharpen each pencil by hand as you don’t want to waste a smidgen of these valuable tools!

Jason Derulo
Jason DeRulo = my art photo isn’t the best but it gives you an goodish idea of the portrait..(colorized from B&W and reversed so the left is right etc.)

I have loaded a DeRulo music vide (lyrics) to go with my portrait, but who knows how long it will remain playable. ANy opinions on portrait welcome. I had to imagine the colors from a B&W photo, then imagine Derulo again, having reversed the orientation horizontally so his left becomes his right  etc.

(Now it might not look like him at all, taken from the mirror reversal of the photo.) Enjoy song for as long as I can keep it here. (since embed buttons exist, I have to assume it is okay to “borrow” these vids.

Would love your opinion.

BW

Pam

PS am very very sleepy so not entirely sure I am uploading anything that makes sense. If not, forgive me. I will do better after a nap!

Young Teddy Roosevelt portrait and Tim’s Turtle: New Art

Young TR drawn with non-dominant hand
Young TR drawn with non-dominant hand

 

Although I usually draw with my right hand, this portrait sketch of the young Theodore Roosevelt was drawn with my left, and is much freer and (I would hope) truer to life than the right-handed portrait I had drawn earlier. I started with ballpoint pen, then “corrected” with green, brown and blue pencils in sequence. Eyes, TR’s right eye especially, still aren’t right, but I couldn’t do any more corrections on this particular sketch. Better luck or one would hope more skill maybe, next time…

Tim with Papier Mache Turtle I made for him
Tim with Papier Mache Turtle I made for him

I dunno that more need be said about this picture except that Tim is a dear friend and I owed him this turtle for two years before it was actually finished…

Papier Mache Turtle (3 feet across).
Papier Mache Turtle (3 feet across).

BARACK OBAMA SNUBBED HIS PORTRAIT. DO YOU HATE IT AS MUCH AS HE DID?

"Obama Bright" a portrait  of Barack Obama in acrylics and graphite with Swarovski crystals that apparently didn't please our leader...Or he doesn't have the common courtesy to thank me for it.
“Obama Bright” a portrait of Barack Obama in acrylics and graphite with Swarovski crystals that apparently didn’t please our leader…Or he doesn’t have the common courtesy to thank me for it.

 

I am serious. I sent this portrait of Barack Obama to the White House in January 2014, and only just received a small form card, saying nothing personal, only that the “gift was received” from the American people, thank you very much…and Obama and Michelle’s signatures scrawled on the bottom, as if that means anything to me. He clearly didn’t send it to me personally to thank me for any portrait. WTF. I spent HOURS drawing that very closely detailed portrait, first in  graphite, then I had to copy it, before I hand painted the background and certain details over the copy. I am really really upset. EVERYONE i know here loved that portrait and encouraged me to send it to Obama, but I was worried that he wouldn’t like it or perhaps it would be destroyed by the Secret Service because of looking for anthrax or something stupid like that under the swarovski crystal that are glued on the background. Like i said, WTF. I am never sending anyone important any of my artwork again. The wealthy and important clearly don’t get the rules of common courtesy, do they?

New Portraits of African Americans by Pamwagg

 

Alice Walker - from PBS interview
  Alice Walker – from PBS interview

 

Eddy Joe LLoyd -- Innocent
Eddy Joe LLoyd — Innocent

 

Vincent Moto - Innocent, but still trying to expunge his record
Vincent Moto – Innocent, but still trying to expunge his record

 

Bob Moses - Interviewed by Julian Bond
Bob Moses – Interviewed by Julian Bond

Trying to Hold it Together: Doing Art To Save My Life

What the voices tell me to do, set myself on fire...In art therapy I was supposed to just play with the paint, do a blob and a line to get started. I got carried away with the child's paints and this is what resulted...
What the voices tell me to do, set myself on fire…In art therapy I was supposed to just play with the paint, do a blob and a line to get started. I got carried away with the child’s paints and this is what resulted…

 

I also finished a good drawing of a house in Tuscany, Italy and a painting of a child I started a long time ago, which I will post here. (The house drawing is at the framers, where it is being matted because it is too large for a precut mat. I am sorry that I have posted the painting with little faked watermarks on it, but I do not like the fact that people can simply print out my pictures otherwise and not have to pay me for the prints or the paintings…)

Acrylic portrait of African American Child in red watch cap and lavender sweatshirt...
Acrylic portrait of African American Child in red watch cap and lavender sweatshirt…

As for the rest, I am coping, that is all I can say. I try to “fake it till I will be able to make it” — meaning that I do not tell people how difficult it is, most of the time, because that only makes it harder. If I can try to ignore as much as possible what is going on that is all for the best. And when I cannot, I stay by myself and try to deal with it. Or i see someone, my therapist or a person I have hired to stay with me. Or I simply tough it out as best I can. Things could be worse. After all, I am not in the hospital and I have to keep telling myself that! 8)

 

In the meantime, I don’t have a lot to say. Doing art takes all my time and energy, and the rest is spent simply dealing with things and coping. Forgive me. I will be back. I just wanted to post this to allay anyone’s fear that I was back in the bin.

Healing Art as I go down the Rabbit Hole…

TIm, my best Gay Boyfriend, eating watermelon.
TIm, my best Gay Boyfriend, eating watermelon.

 

And now for something really different. Cartoons that tell you about my life these days.

Pam's Having Car trouble
Pam’s Having Car trouble

 

Hope you can make out the text okay…It is a little difficult,. granted. But I tried to photograph the pages clearly as possible.

The next morning she retrieves the car
The next morning she retrieves the car and finds the same problems remain…Why?

 

She's GOt all the dates Wrong
She’s GOt all the dates Wrong and so much more…

 

Fear is ONLY an Almond...the amygdala in the brain is the NUT that makes us nuts!
Fear is ONLY an Almond…the amygdala in the brain is the NUT that makes us nuts!

 

Gargantua is the name of a book, and a character in the book. In it someone says, Appetite comes with eating. It helps me to think about that when I find i cannot find a way to put food enough in my mouth to keep going…I need to eat on schedule if only to keep my strength up.

 

It cannot be Pam Pam Pam al the time. No, he has to start to share of himself or the relationship is off. She CARES about him and it isn't all about HER!
It cannot be Pam Pam Pam al the time. No, he has to start to share of himself or the relationship is off. She CARES about him and it isn’t all about HER!

Meanwhile I am not in a good state at all. Bill wanted to talk about an email I sent him saying as much as the above, but I am much too shaky to be able to deal with it. I just cannot use him to talk TO alone…I have friends with whom we have shared equally all along, and so I do not feel a burden now when I am in trouble. But Bill has ceased talking about himself a long while ago, and I am to blame for letting him withdraw. I felt slighted but felt that perhaps he was reserved and saved his intimate moments for his girlfriend…But no more. I cannot be using HIM as a pair of ears and feel that he shares nothing back. THen I feel guilty and a selfish user! That isn’t fair to me let alone to him…It won’t happen. It won’t be. Not any longer. Hear that, Bill? YOU are an important part of our friendship, as a person,. and if you don’t want to be a person, I do not want a NON-person as a friend.

 

Enough. I feel like I am going to die. And now even the doc doesn’t want to suggest that I take even a sliver of Abilify now that I am off it…So I am really up a creek..Up a creek because I dunno how long I can tolerate this. I smell rot rising inside me, smell it for real., Like my body is rotting from within…Where is it coming from? I brush my teeth several times a day (unusual for me!) but still the rot smell persists!

 

I am not a praying person, but I know many of you are. I am in such deep shit. I will be going to art therapy today, perhaps that will bring some relief. in the meantime, if you feel prayer can help, pray for me…?

 

Thank you , all of you, for hanging in with me. I am NOT a quitter, I am not a quitter!

 

 

Doing Art to Save My Sanity

THey Love You So Much, You Hate Yourself… © Pamela Spiro Wagner All rights reserved
This one you have to look a little closely at to see what precisely is going on…It isn’t obvious at first glance…

 

Unnatural Still Life or Natura Morte, as the Italians call it. Not your typical fruit bowl, I leave it up for interpretation, but will let you know that the two aqua items are from left to right a packet of Bugler cigarette papers and a bugle cigarette roller. © Pamela Spiro Wagner All rights reserved

 

 

 

A left handed doodle © Pamela Spiro Wagner All rights reserved

BioHands 1 ©Pamela Spiro Wagner All rights reserved

 

BioHands 2 ©Pamela Spiro Wagner All rights reserved

 

Three Catboats in cove, in mist. ©Pamela Spiro Wagner All rights reserved
This one was inspired from a photo but is not a copy, done in colored pencils and oil pastels.

As I have been having a hard time dealing with things,  I do art and do art and do art…It is as good a way to cope as any other I suppose. Anyhow, I hope to get back to writing here soon. In the meantime, I am investigating more about temporal lobe epilepsy and schizophrenia/bipolar illness. It seems to me very significant, and at the same time strange that so many people who bear the diagnosis of schizophrenia and/or bipolar are also supposedly burdened with yet another condition that is so tricky to pinpoint, so I may also be posting more about that in the future as well.

 

The more I read the less I am convinced that schizophrenia, as an entity, exists, one, and two, that if there is any such thing as “schizophrenia” no one has yet figured out what it is. Which is the same thing as saying it is an imaginary/artificial illness. Don’t get me wrong: I am not saying that mental suffering and psychosis do not exist, only that no one has proven, not to my satisfaction, that there is any such illness constellation that can go by the name of schizophrenia and be recognized as such by a preponderance of physicians world-wide… That offers a lot of leeway by the way. I don’t ask for a lab test or even a set of hard signs. Only a reasonable way for psychiatrists around the world to agree on symptoms that  constitutes a recognizable disease that is the same thing no matter where you go, just as measles is measles and the flu is the flu…

 

But there won’t be any agreement, as we know. Because schizophrenia is a cultural construct. It is imaginary and largely meaningless. Except within the society that uses it as a concept in order to disapprove of and stigmatize certain ways of being, speaking or thinking. In that sense schizophrenia is more than just a construct or concept it is a social tool. It is a weapon used to keep people in line. In western society, if one doesn’t keep to the obligatory path,  some semi-acceptable social role, the result is the withdrawal of social approvals and the substitution of punishment — think drugs, hospitals, seclusion, restraints — in their place. And yet, in other cultures, the very same “out of bounds” thinking or behavior, rather than being labelled schizophrenic or “crazy” is regarded as the mystic’s path and spiritual, highly regarded rather than  anathematized.

 

This is nothing new. It has been observed before. So why do we keep going back to beating the same old same old drum: “We need better drugs to treat mental illness.” “We need better diagnostic methods to pinpoint mental illness. ” “We need better interventions to help the “mentally ill” who cannot  or will not help themselves.”…YOWCH! Yada yada yada. Maybe we continue to bark up the same wrong, wrong, wrong tree. Maybe there is NO SUCH THING AS MENTAL ILLNESS, perhaps all along there has always only been physical illness. Perhaps much suffering, emotional and mental though it may be, is not illness, just part of the human condition, and while we want to ameliorate it, we call it illness at our peril.

 

More to come.