Don’t worry, be happy!

Recently a friend wrote to me that she was exhausted with worry about whether the future would work out as she wanted it to. She has many concerns and young sons to generate a lot of worries, so i sympathize completely. Nevertheless, this is what i wrote to her and more…

Remember that there are plenty of futures out there and we have absolutely no way of knowing which one will come to us as the present, not until it is the present. So you can spend your time worrying in the present about a future you cannot change by worrying about it (can you?) or you can choose to ENJOY THE FUTURE now by assuming that it will all work out beautifully. That means of course, that freed from worrying about a disastrous outcome, you will enjoy the present, too. Yes, it is possible that what comes will bring disaster, but that pain will be of its time and place alone. You won’t have spent all the weeks and months leading up to it also in pain, dreading what your worry could not possibly change. If disaster does happen, but you spent all that time anticipating the best possible outcome, then guess what? You enjoyed your life, and if disaster happens you can say, well, so this is disaster, but i did not waste my life in fear, worrying myself sick anticipating it. No, no, i enjoyed every minute of a different future that may not have happened, but i lived life to the fullest. Now, life changed but i don’t regret a thing!

I believe that people who can enjoy the best future imaginable also build resilience to the worst future that becomes present in their lives, and in a feedback loop they end up never facing the worst outcome, because in the simple process of facing it, and facing it down, they have already begun to overcome it. But they could not do this without learning the skills of enjoying the best possible future now, instead of worrying. This is how they have become resilient and their resilience feeds back and makes them even stronger when like everyone else, challenges do come their way.

You can do it. You can stop worrying today. You can stop that flow of tormenting thoughts that say xyz is going to happen to ruin everything. How? Not by stopping them but by replacing them with daydreams that are far easier and better. You know how some teachers used to scold the class daydreamer and tell him or her to come back to reality and Stop daydreaming?! Well, i am going to say the opposite: when you are worrying yourself sick, start day dreaming instead, start fantasizing about the dreamiest most glorious future you can give yourself, and then goddam it, give it to yourself! I mean this. Start believing that that future is real and think about you would act and be “if you really knew this” it would change you, wouldn’t it? Well…be that future, enjoy that future as if you know right here and now that it will be on your plate at such and such a time…i promise you, you will enjoy your present so much more than you ever did worrying! And who knows, instead of Not paying the mortgage on time (your worry) you just might end up buying a boat as well as owning your home free and clear (your fantasy)…but even if not, you have not lost anything but your misery. And that, my friend, is a very good thing to lose.

Love,

Pam

6 thoughts on “Don’t worry, be happy!”

  1. Pamela: This is not my real name, but a pseudonym I created with a desire to spread the word of the abuse that mental health patients have gone through. I am a psychiatric nurse, working as a traveling behavioral health nurse, and I was very close to actually accepting a position at this facility, and I googled it to look at reviews. When I read your story, my heart broke for you. I am so sorry that you experienced all that you did. I have many beliefs about big Pharm and the doctors and businessmen that abuse innocent people all for the almighty dollar. At my first facility (where I worked 5 years), they used ECT, and pushed it as a treatment, because ECT is the highest billable psychiatric treatment. I wish there was more I could do, but, I don’t know how high up the bullshit chain of bureaucracy this goes. There are plenty of criminals that they could deem mentally unstable and put them inpatient and give them all those anti-psychotics, but noooooo – they pick on people who don’t have family/friends to speak up as their advocate… and they especially love to take in patients on Medicare/Medicaid, because that’s guaranteed money. I don’t know your exact situation, but I would bet the reason you got out when you did was a financial one. You were no longer able to make them money, so discharged you went…. Your art is incredible. This last name Kahlo is due to my fondness for Frida Kahlo’s work. I will send you positive healing energy, and apologize for any unkindness others with my RN title ever showed to you. I go out of my way to spend 1:1 time with each and every patient, and show them that they are human, and that they do matter, but, like I said, in the end, a patient = $$ … that’s really it. If I could run my own facility, I would love to, but who has the money to establish the more homeopathic/therapeutic settings? There are no contributions from big businesses. It’s so sad… ❤ to you ❤

  2. HI there, I have found that often out of disappointment and even desperate circumstances come the most surprising and positive developments if we let them. It took me a long time to understand that things happen because they were meant to. Nothing happens without a reason, and so even the worst occurrences in life lead somewhere and we can learn from them and benefit from them, if we are open to it…and we do, we always do, whether we know it or not. Everything teaches us something in life. Everything. Why fight it. Better to look at life with positivity and acceptance and “get with the program!” It really is true that IT IS WHAT IT IS, so why fight what is? 8)

  3. Hi Pam, this is what I need the most now. I think we need to learn to live in the present and be worry free in building for tomorrow. I have just been refused few loans for traveling. But, I choose not to worry and look at it in a positive way. I will start saving and travelling in six months.

  4. Dear Talasi and Marie, thank you for your comments. This idea has been incubating for a while but I cannot take complete credit for it. There is a wonderful guy on the internet who talks about this notion of enjoying the future too and I thought it was brilliant. I also want to go into aspects of this that are more shall we say spiritual rather than material– but I figure, better to start small!!! Love to you, Pam

  5. Wow, I love this post! What an encouragement to all of us! This is exactly what I am trying to do in my life right now… to envision a better future, free of fear and the torment of anxiety. One day, I pray, I will get there!

  6. Reblogged this on Marie Abanga's Blog and commented:
    I am that friend my Precious Pammy mentions. Yes sometimes life works us up and then the mind and body pays the toll. It’s a learning process and I can’t ever thank my angels enough for leading me to my Precious Pammy. Hope her post helps someone out there.

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