Demons of Power and Sadness

I continue to be assailed by the same demons as usual, of which i will not speak except to say that it is an effort more often than anyone knows not to walk out of here and away into the cold of night, that  indeed i feel deeply (and am told by voices much more powerful than they should be) that i should disappear for the good of all. If I seem strong and resilient it is only my fear of death and a rage that so many want me to die nonetheless, but i feel a terrible resulting sadness that i can’t find it in me to comply completely…In fact, whatever life throws at you, one either survives or dies. But no one can possibly understand how much anguish such a conflict causes me daily, minutely, even by the second, even when I appear at my most cheerful.

I give you Rachel Platten’s lyrics, because I like the song, and sing along with it, though I do not in  fact believe that I have any right to believe in them for myself.

RACHEL PLATTEN

Fight Song Lyrics

Like a small boat

On the ocean

Sending big waves Into motion

Just like how a single word

Can make a heart open

I might only have one match

But I can make an explosion

And all those things I didn’t say

Wrecking balls inside my brain

I will scream them loud tonight

Can you hear my voice this time

This is my fight song

Take back my life song

Prove I’m alright song

My power’s turned on

(Starting right now) I’ll be strong

I’ll play my fight song

And I don’t really care if nobody else believes

‘Cause I’ve still got a lot of fight left in me

Losing friends and I’m chasing sleep

Everybody’s worried about me

In too deep

Say I’m in too deep (I’m in too deep)

And it’s been two years

I miss my home

But there’s a fire burning in my bones

And I still believe

Yeah I still believe

And all those things I didn’t say

Wrecking balls inside my brain

I will scream them loud tonight

Can you hear my voice this time

This is my fight song

Take back my life song

Prove I’m alright song

My power’s turned on

(Starting right now) I’ll be strong

I’ll play my fight song

And I don’t really care if nobody else believes

‘Cause I’ve still got a lot of fight left in me

A lot of fight left in me

Like a small boat

On the ocean

Sending big waves

Into motion

Like how a single word

Can make a heart open

I might only have one match

But I can make an explosion

This is my fight song

Take back my life song

Prove I’m alright song

My power’s turned on

(Starting right now) I’ll be strong

I’ll play my fight song

And I don’t really care if nobody else believes

‘Cause I’ve still got a lot of fight left in me

Now I’ve still got a lot of fight left in me

SONGWRITERS

Bassett, Dave / Platten, Rachel

PUBLISHED BY

Lyrics © EMI Music Publishing, Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

4 thoughts on “Demons of Power and Sadness”

  1. Sweet Pammy, Linda has said it all, I’ll find the song in YouTube and save in a special playlist as a tribute to my precious pammy. That the precious portrait you did of me hangs above me in my office, should tell you volumes. Love you loads and wish you all the best.

  2. This is beautiful, poignant. I feel it all the way to the marrow of my bones.

    I am praying for you, Pammy. You are precious and wonderful. And I know that you really are very strong. Just like the words to this song.

Talk to me! Let's continue the conversation.

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s