NEW ART AND MEDS REDUCED

So she is seeing a psychiatrist....He holds her future in his hands. If he prescribes medications she could be impaired for life..
So she is seeing a psychiatrist….He holds her future in his hands. If he prescribes medications she could be impaired for life..
Gullwing MErcedes 300sl
In the Vimeo video “Poetry in Motion”, a man who dreamed all his youth of owning one of these gullwing 1955 Mercedes 300SL , drives one, everywhere. He speaks of how others trailer theirs, very carefully, but of the ultimate joy of driving his dream car…Why else own it?
The voices i hear are OUTside my head, not inside it…which makes it hard to understand that they are generated from within my brain, even though I appreciate now, at this moment, that they must be….

I am assembling my own private, so to speak, “treatment team” for recovery. This is because it turns out that to go to any facility for real no-drug no medication recovery, somewhere like Windhorse in Northampton, Massachusetts, or Cooper-Riis in NorthCarolina, you have essentially to be filthy rich. Neither place so much as returned my application email (supplication) once they knew I “only” had about — well, let’s just say that I could not afford their fees of up to $20,000 per month, and certainly not for the requisite six month program just to start with! So essentially, you have to be wealthy as Croesus in this country to get any help whatsoever to recover, or you are on your own.

Luckily a little family assistance does permit me to hire a few people to help me — which I know some people are not fortunate enough to do. So I did — I hired an art therapist this past week and I meet with her next thursday! This is something I really look forward to. While I do art daily, I do not usually express my feelings easily or spontaneously doing art. I have to think things through doing art. But i want to do it quickly and find out things or learn to let go and feel my way doing art. And I have never done art therapy, at all so I dunno even what it can offer, except that I cannot believe it won’t be helpful, esp now that I am done to 5mg Abilify as of Saturday. And no abilify at all by the following Saturday, if it turns out that I can tolerate the drop to nothing.

Now, I do take Geodon as well, so I think it will be fine. But we will see. So far so good. But I did say that I would take it more slowly if I ran into problems. Once the Abilify is out of my system, I will wait a little while, then start reducing the Geodon. No sense in waiting too long. If I have no difficulties apparent from the loss of Abilify, why wait? THEY thought i  decompensated almost immediately at Yale New Haven Hospital from having “nothing on board.” My contention is that I decompensated due to the abuse I suffered at their hands, and as a result of their megadosing me with IM Haldol, torture for anyone.

That’s about all the news I have for now. And it is getting late so I’d better go to bed.

Oh, by the way, if the pictures look a bit different, it is because they are done with markers, copic markers for the most part, and not with colored pencils….So you are noticing my use of a different medium.

3 thoughts on “NEW ART AND MEDS REDUCED”

  1. Never too negative. I sometimes draw pictures that echo the words over the gate to auschwitz, Arbeit Macht Frei …work makes you free, only i substitute the German word for psychiatry…so it says Psichiatrie macht frei…implying a great deal of negativity. Many people do not get the reference, but for those that do, well, the whump in the gut is enormous. And of course the nazis first murdered mental patients as a matter of course! So psychiatry has always been implicated both in the third reich and as murderous…p

  2. Oh, I am sorry about the money part. It just is not right!

    I wish we could do what you are doing, and we could, if we could get on the same track for one day at a time. An ACT team is really, really screwing with my level of sanity! I simply can’t trust people with obvious hidden agendas! I so wish Neil would fire them right away. I wish we could move too. I am so tired Pam! Life with psychiatry! What a life, aye? I hope it gets better for you. Art Therapy Rocks!!! And, gut health is so important, but will psychiatry ever admit or understand that?

    Your friend, who is exhausted now,
    Michelle.

    PS Please delete this if it is too negative 😉

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