Imaginary Interior with Mirror and Red Chair…plus

Here is a colored pencil nighttime interior, wholly imagined and done without model objects to work from except that the red chair happens to be one that “lives” in my room. You may not be able to tell, but the large mirror on the table reflects one that is meant to be implicit behind the person drawing (the hand in the foreground) which in turn reflects the one on the table, and that reflects it, and so on…). Also, on the table is a photo that purports also to be, and is in fact, one of the artist — me — drawing as well. So you see there are a lot of tricks involved, though I do not think the picture is very expert. The perspective was not meant to be accurate, by the way. It is sorta folky…I simply am trying things I have never done before, like furniture and scenes. After all, you have to start somewhere.

I am also working on learning “realistic pencil portrait drawing” which is equally difficult but in a different way as it involves minute observation and challenges my eyesight too, at least at the moment. In fact, learning both skills are good for me.

I wrote a new poem two nights ago, but alas, I cannot share it here yet as then I could not submit it to a journal. I can only advise those interested in my poetry who have not read it and who have not seen my book WE MAD CLIMB SHAKY LADDERS, to check out the page I have set up (see above) with a number of poems taken from it. I you like those you may also be interested enough to perhaps purchase a copy (and make me a wealthy — hah! — woman in the process). I am hoping eventually to find a publisher for LEARNING TO SEE IN THREE DIMENSIONS, but I admit that I haven’t really tried. In fact, I have been so busy that I haven’t tried at all! I just keep writing and adding to it.

Anyhow, I do not know how many of you know of my best friend, Joe C, (the old blog readers did) but he is dying of ALS, Lou Gehrig’s Disease, after 4 years, 3.5 of them approximately, on a ventilator ( that is to say breathing by means of a tracheostomy tube attached to a mechanical respirator). I do not know how long he has, though the situation is really dire in a way that is difficult to talk about. He refuses to agree to a Do Not Resuscitate (DNR) order, though there is nothing they will be able to do for him except torture him if he does not…Oh god,  he is in such awful straits, yet so wants to live! It is so tragic… The only good thing right now is that Dr O, that wonderful woman and my former psychiatrist, who was so kind and helpful to him, and of course was to me for so many years, was ordained a minister after she moved away from CT and she is going to visit him tomorrow, if she can…and see if she can help him.

You know, my absolutely biggest fear for Joe is not his dying, but of his being afraid, and that is where I think she can talk to him in a way that he will profit from, because he listens to her, and always has, in a way that he never has listened to me.

Joe basically responds best to female authority figures, which is strange given that he has a terrible relationship, really none at this point, with his mother. I no longer mind this, I am used to his not taking what I say as having any merit. But if Dr O is able to help, I just want him to get to that place where he can accept his approaching death and is not scared…

All this is by way of saying that if I am silent here for a while, please think of Joe and of me, and send him your prayers? Thank you, all of you.

I am putting up a photo Joe and me just after he was diagnosed, when we were at the Lahey Clinic for one of his appointments there, and then one of the few that I have with him at the hospital where he currently lives. One when he was still able to smile. You will be able to see the extreme changes in him, but to me, I have always only seen the “same ole Joe!”

Joe C and Pam in 2006, December
Joe and Pam November 2007

2 thoughts on “Imaginary Interior with Mirror and Red Chair…plus”

  1. THANK YOU so much Kate. We had a good visit today, Joe and I. I have memorized the letterboard, so I do not have to look at it anymore but can concentrate instead on just his blinks to indicate the letters, which made us speed up enormously. THat way he could say a lot more today. Nevertheless, he tires easily, as do I as it entails standing over his bed for 2 hours…Joe is still very worried about dying — I think he does not grasp the situation at all — and in fact he wants a private duty nurse to stay with him in the evenings because he thinks that the staff will let him die through neglect, i.e. by not answering his call bell on time or his ventilator alarm. I will relay his concerns to his cousin who handles such matters, but if he dies, or when he does, it will not be the way he fears…IN any event, I so very much appreciate your words of concern and caring. Thank you for keeping him, and me, in your thoughts and for sending us “metta.”
    Love to you,

    Pam

  2. Hello Pam,

    Your colored pencil imaginary interior is wonderful. Very joyful as much of your work really is to me. I have a lot of respect for how hard you work and how creative you are. You are an inspiration, as is Karen Sorensen, in your artwork and your writing.

    I am very sorry to hear that Joe is close to death. Wow, what an enduring spirit he has had over the last few years. I respect his determination to stay alive as long as possible, though I don’t think I’d have the courage to do what he has done. And you have been such a dear friend to him too, despite all you’ve been through. I hope that when he does pass that there will be no fear in him, that he will go peacefully. In Buddhist style I will be sending “metta” or lovingkindness prayers out to both of you this week.

    Love Kate : )

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